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It was an exciting moment. Carrie Prejean’s turn had arrived to answer a question from a judge during the final round of the Miss USA pageant. When the question came, Carrie’s stomach turned. The judge wanted to know what she, as the reigning Miss California and the potential Miss USA, thought about “gay marriage.” She knew what the man wanted to hear. But she also knew what she truly believed.

Carrie wondered: should she give the popular answer or speak her conscience? She quickly prayed for guidance.

We’ll get to her answer — and its aftermath — in a minute. But first, let’s take a quick look at Carrie’s life leading up to the Miss USA pageant. That will help us zero in on the point of this lesson: True marriage is worth defending … even when it costs you dearly.

Young love

Carrie Prejean was a shy child but, in high school, she became a four-sport athlete. Her softball team won a national championship. Then, encouraged by her parents, she joined a youth group at her evangelical Protestant church. She found that she loved to learn more about God, his love for her and his love for everyone. This knowledge became a source of deep joy for her.

Her parents and her church also taught her that her faith and her values would be challenged in the world today. She made a personal commitment to Christ and to her Christian values, prepared to deal with the challenges this commitment would bring.

You really think I’m pretty?

When Carrie was 17, some people began insisting that she enter beauty pageants. “I didn’t even know what a pageant was,” she told the press recently. But Carrie had always liked challenges and trying new things. The idea that she could be competitive in a beauty contest stirred her imagination.

Going for it

Carrie isn’t exaggerating when she describes herself as someone who can be very enthusiastic once she decides on a goal. She got the name of a woman who helps organize beauty pageants and called her. When the woman met Carrie, she seemed impressed. She explained the basics of the pageant and gave Carrie some information to look over and some forms to fill out. So it was that, at 17, Carrie entered her first beauty contest … and won!

College!

In college, Carrie continued participating in beauty pageants. She spent her freshman year at a state school, but after prayer and discernment decided that she wanted to attend a Christian college. She transferred to San Diego Christian College, a school known for promoting a strong faith life.

Carrie greatly enjoyed her new school. She saw the environment of faith and intellectual challenge as an opportunity to prepare for the future: She wanted to be a Christian leader. She wanted to help bring Christ to others and make a difference in the world. Most of all, she wanted people to know the deep sense of satisfaction she had found through a personal and prayerful relationship with Jesus.

Reaching out

Besides her studies and her beauty pageant preparations, Carrie also got involved in outreach programs to the handicapped and the hurting. She took part in a ministry to women exploited by prostitution and pornography.

Beauty strategy

During this time, Carrie’s attitude toward beauty pageants was, “Just be joyful and be myself. Be happy with who I am and try to show kindness to everyone else.” It worked. Her successes mounted with each contest. This past November Carrie won the Miss California USA pageant. She was also voted Miss Congeniality by her fellow contestants.

Prepping

Winning the Miss California USA title was exciting in itself, but it also qualified her for the Miss USA pageant. She decided to take a semester off from school to prepare for the pageant. She worked out, followed a demanding diet and studied many of the topics she might be asked about.

The Miss USA pageant took place in Las Vegas over a two-week period. Only the last day of the pageant, April 19, was shown on national television. Which brings us back to the question that changed her life.

Facing Down Fear

As the telecast began, the host named 15 finalists. Several rounds of competition followed until only five girls remained. For the final round, each finalist would have to answer a question from a celebrity judge. The girls picked judges’ numbers from a bottle and Carrie ended up with Judge No. 8 — Perez Hilton.

This man’s real name is Mario Armando Lavandeira. He is famous for his abrasive personality and insulting commentaries on TV and the Internet. He is also famous for promoting changing the definition of marriage so gay couples can get “married.”

“Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage,” said Mr. Hilton. “Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”

This was a loaded question. Perez Hilton was setting Carrie up to either cave in to popular pressure or make a fool of herself in front of millions of people.

Or so he thought.

At first, Carrie tried to soft-pedal her beliefs. “I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other,” she said. “We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.”

But as she spoke these words, she heard a still, small voice speaking to her heart. Which crown did she want more — the Miss USA crown or the crown Christ wanted to give her?

She interrupted herself in mid-thought. “And you know what?” she said. “I think that in my country, and in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman — no offense to anybody out there — but that’s how I was raised and … I think that it should be between a man and a woman.”

Media Firestorm

As Carrie spoke these words, an immediate reaction rose from the audience. Most people applauded, encouraged by Carrie’s bravery and honesty, but there were also some boos. You probably already know that Carrie lost the contest.

Afterward, a famous television reporter asked her about Perez Hilton’s question. Carrie was surprised that such a famous reporter would want to talk to the runner-up rather than the winner. In her mind, what happened to her was simply a side story. She soon began to find out that this was not just a side story. It had already become national news.

Digging up dirt

In May, a celebrity-gossip blog ran a photo of Carrie partially undressed. Her back was to the camera, and the image was not especially racy by today’s standards, but the organizers of the Miss California pageant announced that they were investigating. Carrie, they said, might have her Miss California title taken from her.

Speaking in her own defense, Carrie stated that she had posed for the shot when she was 17 and pursuing a career as a model. She objected to the release of the photo.

“I am a Christian, and I am a model,” she said. “Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. Recently, photos taken of me as a teenager have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid Web site that openly mocks me for my Christian faith. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be.”

She has also pointed out that she was “naive and young” at the time of the photography and regrets having made the decision to pose for that particular shoot. Maggie Gallagher, head of the National Organization for Marriage — which works to keep marriage between one man and one woman — spoke out in Carrie’s defense. “You don’t have to be a perfect person,” said Gallagher, “to have the right to stand up for marriage.”

“You’re fired!”

The media circus followed Carrie around for weeks. Then, on June 10, the final ax fell. Carrie was stripped of her Miss California crown. This was the title that had gotten her into the Miss USA pageant to begin with.The organizers of the Miss California pageant claimed Carrie had not been cooperative in carrying out her duties. Carrie disputed that claim.

“They don’t agree with the stance that I took [on gay marriage],” she said. “They don’t like me. From Day One they wanted me out, and they got what they wanted. … I was very respectful of people even when they slandered me and humiliated me,” she added. “I have not once stooped down to their level.”

With these words, and with her acceptance of embarrassing defeat, Carrie showed the world what Christian forgiveness looks like.

A Crown lost, a crown gained

Carrie may have been stripped of her crown as Miss California, but she certainly can stand tall. She has been given a crown of courage, even if many mock her and call her a hypocrite. She has stood up for marriage at a time when it is extremely important to do so.

Marriage really matters. It matters for all of society. Carrie has done her small part to witness to the beauty and truth of marriage.

Battles ahead

What does Carrie Prejean’s future hold? That remains to be seen. She still has many choices ahead of her.

One thing is for certain: The battle for the truth about marriage will continue. Legal experts foresee a very heated and difficult battle, because, with the approval of gay “marriage” in many states, the Christian view of marriage may be considered bigoted “hate speech” by government.

We Catholics, too, will be called on to defend marriage. Will we have the courage to stand firm as Carrie Prejean did — even when it means losing something we have worked hard for? When we experience loss, we can remember that nothing is truly lost when we stand up for truth.

On the contrary, we help others. Let us continue to speak the truth with love. Christ will give us our crown, and we will know the happiness of having helped others with our lives.

Bible Blurbs

“God created man in his image; …male and female he created them. God blessed them, saying: ‘Be fertile and multiply’…”

Genesis 1:27-28

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

Genesis 2:24

“…for I will honor those who honor me…”

1 Samuel 2:30

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 5:10

Catechism Clips

372: Man and woman were made “for each other” – not that God left them half-made and incomplete: he created them to be a communion of persons… for they are …complementary as masculine and feminine.

2202: A man and a woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family. This institution is prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to recognize it.

1778: In all he says and does, man is obliged to follow faithfully what he knows to be just and right.

2333: Physical, moral, and spiritual difference and complementarity are oriented toward the goods of marriage and the flourishing of family life.

2360: Sexuality is ordered to the conjugal love of man and woman.

Pope Quotes:

“… the need to avoid confusing marriage with other types of unions based on weak love is especially urgent. It is only the rock of total irrevocable love between a man and a woman that can serve as the foundation on which to build… a home for all mankind.

(May 11, 2006)

Marriage is engraved in the human being himself… man leaves his parents and is united to a woman in order to form only one flesh, so that the two may be a single existence.

(April 6, 2006: Meeting with young people)

The sexual difference that distinguishes the male from the female body is not a mere biological factor… man and woman, by becoming one flesh, can achieve authentic communion… and cooperate with God in the procreation of new human beings.

(May 11, 2006)

Thus, …marriage is not an invention of the Church: it is really created right in the moment that man is created, as a fruit of the dynamism of love in which the man and the woman find themselves and thus also find the Creator who called them to love.

(April 6, 2006: Meeting with young people)

Today the various forms of the erosion of marriage, such as free unions and “trial marriage” and even pseudo-marriages between people of the same sex… makes the body despicable, placing it… outside the person’s authentic being and dignity.

(June 6, 2006)

Saints & Heroes

Defended marriage, ‘til death did him part…!

Blessed Peter To Rot (1912-1945)

Peter, the son of a tribal chief, was one of the first of his tribe to become Christian. His family was from Papua New Guinea, in the South Pacific. He was always very smart, and was always a leader, both in school, and at sports.

When he got older, he was sent to school to become a catechist and teacher. He worked to teach and defend the Catholic faith. He later got married and became the father of three children.

In 1942, during World War II, the Japanese invaded New Guinea and imprisoned all of the missionaries who had been working there. Peter brought food to them in the prison camps.

In 1945 all religious activity was prohibited, but Peter continued to fulfill his duties in secret, including teaching, bringing people the sacraments, and hiding the Eucharist in a cave.

The Japanese decided they could win support of the local people by making it once again legal for a man to marry more than one woman. This had been outlawed when Christianity spread there. Peter openly and publicly opposed this legalization of polygamy.

One of his fellow villagers, a man who spied for the Japanese, wanted to take another man’s wife for his own. Peter went to the man’s house and reminded him that marriage was a sacred union that he could not destroy. The man listened to Peter, but became bitter and looked for ways to trap Peter and hand him over to the Japanese. Not long after, the man found out Peter had celebrated a Catholic wedding with two couples. The man had him arrested for breaking the laws about religious practice.

After several months in a prison and a concentration camp, he was murdered by two military guards who hated the Catholic faith. They injected him with a terrible drug and he died a vicious death.

He had told people he was prepared to die for his faith and his people, and so he did. And he became the first native from the South Pacific to approach canonization.

Her body crushed, but her faith stronger than stone…

St. Margaret Clitherow(1556-1586)

In the sixteenth century, King Henry the VIII of England wanted a son very badly. In order to have one, he divorced one wife, had another beheaded, and separated the Church of England from the Catholic Church because the Pope would not approve.

Following this, there were violent persecutions of Catholics, people who chose their loyalty to God and the church over the king, and who were willing to stand up and say the king could not simply dismiss the bonds of a sacred marriage.

Margaret was 15 when she married John Clitherow, a butcher. She had three children, and became a Catholic at 18. Her husband approved of her conversion, even though it could be dangerous.

Margaret became a friend to the Catholics of northern England. She even hosted secret masses in her home. She cut a secret escape hatch from her attic to the neighbors house, so priests and nuns could escape if soldiers raided her house.

Her love of her faith inspired her son to become a priest. He had to leave the country because it was illegal to be a Catholic priest there.

Eventually, Margaret was discovered and arrested, charged with harboring Catholic priests. She knew that if there was a trial, her children would be brought in to court, tortured, and forced to testify against their mother. Margaret also knew that if she refused to plea guilty or not guilty, she would be immediately executed, but her family would be spared a torturous trial. So she refused to plea.

She was sentenced to be crushed to death. Even her executioners were so moved that they could not kill her themselves, so they paid a few desperate beggars to do it for them. They placed a sharp stone behind her back, laid a wooden door on top of her, and piled rocks on the door until she was dead.

Margaret believed in the sanctity of marriage, and that no political pressure could sway her faith in God and love for his church.

Virtuous Verbiage Verification:

bigoted: utterly intolerant of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one’s own.

conscience: one’s best judgment, in a given situation, on what is right or wrong. It is our duty to “form” our conscience – this means to learn what is objectively right from wrong, so we can make the right choices.

discernment: a process in which one prays and listens to the Holy Spirit, in order to figure out what the will of God is.

enthusiastic: having or showing great excitement, motivation, and interest

happy/happiness: the sense of contentment, fulfillment, and being satisfied. We become “more” happy as we get closer to God, and we will only be completely happy with Him forever in Heaven.

marriage: the vocation (or life-calling) from God, to one man and one woman, empowered by grace through the sacrament of matrimony, to become united to each other physically, spiritually, and emotionally. This bond is permanent (until death), and it is exclusive (they only unite with each other, never with anyone else). The fruit of a true marriage is openness to children, through which a man and woman participate in the very life and love of God.

naive: inexperienced, simple-minded, lacking the knowledge that one learns from experience, gullible

right: 1) good, just, correct 2) a privilege one naturally deserves or is guaranteed by a government: “the right to life”, “inalienable rights…”, “the right to remain silent…”

slandered: defamed, had one’s reputation ruined by another’s false claims or accusations

surreptitiously: with sneaky and secret plans, especially related to an attack or a trap

Discussion questions:

1. What does it mean to be “tolerant” of others? Did Carrie Prejean say anything that was “intolerant” of others? Were Perez Hilton and the officials of the Miss USA/Miss California Pageants tolerant of Carrie’s religious beliefs? Does being tolerant require that you change your beliefs? Is it possible to “accept” a person without accepting their beliefs?
2. Does the Catholic church define marriage for one man and one woman because it hates homosexuals and wants to punish them for not “fitting in”? Or is the Church really looking out for what is best for ALL men and women?
3. Since God designed marriage to be “life-giving” and “procreative,” is it ok for a man and woman who are married to refuse to be open to having children, even if they are totally capable of doing so?

Journal Writing:

• Make a list of some of the things you believe in the most and feel the strongest about… the kind of things you would be willing to stand up for no matter what. Write about why you believe in those things, and if you think they mean enough to you that you would sacrifice your dreams or goals for what you believe in like Carrie did.
• Imagine you have a friend who lives in a country where there is no freedom of speech or religion, a place where this friend could be arrested for simply stating what he/she believes. write a letter to this friend and encourage them to hold on to their beliefs.

Debate:

Divide in two teams. The debate topic is “Does a government have the right to define marriage without taking into account the religious beliefs of the majority of its people? Is this a matter of separating church and state? Or is this a matter of government taking away some freedoms of religion and speech?”

Activity:

Write letters of support to Carrie Prejean. Offer her encouragement for the many more choices she will have to face as she continues to grow. Find out how to send them to her, or send them to us at O.F.I.A. and we will send them to her.

Breaking Big

Even if you don’t like their music, there is no denying their success. Though their ages are only 16, 19, and 21, these three New Jersey brothers have already fulfilled a lifetime’s worth of dreams. They’ve sold millions of CD’s and mp3 downloads, starred in movies, and played to packed arenas worldwide. Their pictures and posters line the lockers of tens of thousands of girls, and their fans are so into them it’s almost creepy. So whether or not their latest songs are on your playlist, they must be doing something right to be so successful.

Nick, the youngest in the band, was in a Broadway show at a very young age. By 12, he was approached by Columbia Records and offered a deal to make Christian music. On some of the recordings, Nick’s two older brothers, Kevin and Joe, joined him. The record company loved the sound so much, they decided to market them as “the Jonas Brothers”. Their first album of Christian music didn’t sell well with Columbia Records. But because of both their raw talent and their wholesome family appeal, Disney and Hollywood Records picked them up immediately. Their second CD was almost sold out before it was released.

BB Good in Hollywood

Though they are not making religious music anymore, the same Christian values their parents raised them with still influence their music, lyrics, videos, and, most importantly, their lives. Nick told Fox Extra, “We believe that we are Christians in a pop-rock band. That’s just the way we do it. Our faith is really important to us and it’s a big thing in everything we do.”

Kevin tells Cross Rhymes, “With our music we’re trying to be successful. Our whole thing is to play mainstream music but to be a light in a dark world and to tell people that we are Christians when they ask, ‘What’s so different about you?’ We’re like, ‘Well, we’re Christians and we love the Lord.’ That’s our opportunity to witness to people. We just feel like this is where we belong – ‘This is who we are and let’s just go for it!’”

Lovebug

In spite of their fast-paced, star-studded careers, Nick, Joe, and Kevin seem to be looking for the same things that most teens are. “Like all people our age we are trying to find someone special that we can share time with in our busy lives,” they recently wrote on their MySpace. They admit it is hard to have relationships when they live life the way they do.  Many times they find themselves on different continents than their friends.  This makes it hard to take a girl they like to the mall, the movies, or a school dance.

The Girl

So what kind of girl does a international, teenage, millionaire, heart-throb date? Well, the list of girls linked to the Jonas Brothers includes famous starlets such as Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Camilla Belle, and Taylor Swift. But you will find a common trait among many of the girls that are seen hanging out with Nick, Joe, and Kevin: most of them have stated publicly that they are saving sex for marriage.

Why should this be important to these three TV, movie, and rock stars? Although they are rich, famous, and can date nearly anyone they would want, the boys have decided that chastity is the most important value to them; both personally and in dating relationships.

The Rings

Not too long ago, in an interview on the Disney Channel, the Jonas Brothers told the world that they wear “purity rings” (also called “promise rings”) to symbolize their commitment to living a chaste life until they are married.

Pushing Them Away

Almost immediately, the press began to make a huge stink about the rings. Some news reporters tried to discredit them. Others brought on experts saying that it is not possible to be a mentally healthy teen while making a promise like this to abstain from sex until marriage. Some people accused the boys of using this as a publicity stunt. It seems that the news media and gossip columnists can’t believe that three famous, wealthy, good-looking guys could possibly survive Hollywood careers while holding on to their virginity.

Holding On

But the boys defend their position. They do their best to keep their private lives private. They try to keep their relationships with young women on a friendly level. This is a very mature attitude, because it shows they realize that at their age, and with their busy schedules, it doesn’t make sense to let a relationship get too serious. Nick explained the rings in an interview with Rolling Stone Magazine, “To us the [purity] rings are a constant reminder to live a life of values. It’s about being a gentleman, treating people with respect and being the best guys we can be.”

That’s Just the Way We Roll

Chastity and purity rings all of a sudden became very popular.  From that point on, most of the press for the band consistently included discussions about the rings. A very famous journalist named Barbara Walters wanted to interview the boys.  Walters did her best to get the boys to slip up or back down about their purity rings, but they would not break. There was one other thing that was very evident in their interview with Ms. Walters: these brothers stick together.

Band of Brothers

This is the secret to their success both musically, and morally. They rely on each other, protect each other, and find strength in knowing that they’re living chaste lives together. When one of them was offered a part in the movie Camp Rock, their father insisted that all three be included.  Their father knows that if they stay together, they can survive the crazy rat-race that usually ruins teen stars.

Strength in family

Another source of strength these guys have is their parents. Dad and Mom are their best friends. And they not only give them advice, but they also know the ropes of performing in a band and going on tour. Their parents were performing Christian artists for many years. Dad is actually their manager and vocal coach. “There’s times when he’s Dad and times when he a manager,” explains Joe. “He’s a ‘dadager’… He’s awesome. We love our dad.” But what the brothers especially admire about their parents are their values. Their parents have dedicated their lives to standing up for Jesus and for Christian values (Dad is a Christian pastor and Mom is his #1 helper). They have also shown the boys that, in spite of the fact that they are not perfect, they can walk the talk, and help their sons walk it too.

“Our family is really close,” said Joe. “We kind of built our whole foundation on making sure that our family is really strong. They’ve always been there for us… That’s why we decided to go (on tour) with our own family bus.” Hanging out with Mom and Dad may not seem very cool to many teenagers and pop stars, but the Jonas Brothers have shown that family can give us strength to live up to our values, even when the attraction of easy, loose relationships seems so powerful.

Keeping All the Promises

The Jonas Brothers have shown us that the best way to keep a commitment to God and to their future spouses is to surround ourselves with brothers (and sisters) who share the same values and who are striving to live a life of faith in God. They acknowledge that despite all their wealth, fame, and good looks, the best gift they can give their future spouses is the complete gift of themselves.

Giving Hope

Nick, Joe, and Kevin also realize they have a responsibility, even in the midst of so much success. They can give hope to others. If they can live a life of purity and chastity amidst the glitz and glam of Hollywood and rock-stardom, they give hope to teenagers everywhere. Girls deserve to know they are worth waiting for. There’s no denying that this is a big part of the success of these brothers.

Attraction

Why are boys so attracted to girls? And why are girls so attracted to boys? Because we are made in the image of God. And God is love. God is relational. God, within his very being, lives in a relationship of love (He is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.), and God lives in a relationship of love with his creatures. So, like him, God made us to love. We are made to love him, and we are made to love others.

Special Love

One of the most special ways to love like God is the love between a man and a woman. In married love, spouses dedicate their lives totally and exclusively to each other. In married love, a boy and a girl are called to be the living expression of God’s love for the other person.

Built on Friendship and Respect

But this type of love does not just happen by a physical relationship. It is built on friendship. It is sustained by respect, kindness, and patience. It only truly works when there is total commitment, after a sustained period of getting to know each other and respect each other. When we put the physical relationship before there is a solid friendship and respect, and before there is a total commitment, we find that love does not last. It simply ends in broken hearts.

Something We Can Learn

So, guys, show tenderness to the girls, but show respect. Show each girl you really can wait.  You may find that it’s not just the Jonas Brothers that the girls are swooning about (although they might not admit it … until they really trust you.) And girls, continue to believe in that special someone. There are good guys out there, guys worth waiting for. Hold on, and God will bless your love.

Bible Blurbs

“I was on guard against sin. So the LORD rewarded my righteousness, the cleanness of my hands in his sight.” Psalm 18:24-25

“Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God.” Matthew 5:8

“A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit… Restore my joy in your salvation…   I will teach the wicked your ways, that sinners may return to you. Psalm 51:12,14-15

“The LORD loves the pure of heart…” Proverbs 22:11

Catechism Clips

2533: Purity of heart requires the modesty which is patience, decency, and discretion. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person.

2347: The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship. Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor… friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.

2532: Purification of the heart demands prayer, the practice of chastity, purity of intention and of vision.

2395: Chastity means the integration of sexuality within the person. It includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery.

Pope Quotes

“Love is possible…; trust in a love that is true, faithful and strong; a love that generates peace and joy; a love that binds people together and allows them to feel free in respect for one another.”

“My dear young friends, I want to invite you to “dare to love”. Do not desire anything less for your life than a love that is strong and beautiful and that is capable of making the whole of your existence a joyful undertaking…”

“…God has a project of love for your future as a couple and as a family… The love of a man and woman is at the origin of the human family and the couple formed by a man and a woman has its foundation in God’s original plan.”

“Learning to love each other as a couple is a wonderful journey, yet it requires a demanding “apprenticeship”… It allows you to mature in love, in concern and in attention for each other; it helps you to practice self-control and to develop your respect for each other.”

Pope Benedict XVI, WYD 2007

Saints & Heroes

It takes a saintly family to raise a saint…

Blessed Louis Martin (1823-1894) & Blessed Zelie Guerin (1831-1877)
Louis Martin was born in Bordeaux, France on August 22, 1823. Everyone expected that after school he would have a a military career like his father. Louis wished to become a priest, instead. However, since he had trouble learning Latin, he determined perhaps God did not want him to be a priest after all. He went back home and became a watchmaker. He opened his own watch and jewelry store and was successful. Zelie Guerin was born at Gandelain, France, on December 23, 1831. Zelie received a very good education and training that made her a very skillful lacemaker. She attempted to enter the convent, but as she spoke with the nun in charge they concluded that it was not what God wanted for her. Zelie started her own lacemaking business, and she was very successful, too. Both Zelie and Martin each had good businesses and lived a comfortable life, making good money. But they still felt hungry inside for something more. They wanted to feel like they had found God’s plan for their lives. Until one day when they happened to pass each other on a bridge in town. As Zelie crossed, she passed a young man with a strong face, who carried himself with confidence and dignity. She felt like she heard a little voice in her heart say, “This is the one I have prepared for you.” Soon after, she found out who he was, and the two were introduced. The two young people quickly got to know each other. The common faith, values, and spirituality they shared allowed them to fall in love quickly. While many of their friends were marrying for social position, Louis and Zelie saw their marriage as a response to God’s will. Shortly after they got married, they took in a five-year-old boy whose mom had died and left his father with 11 children. They had thought they would live their lives like Mary and Joseph, being married but remaining virgins as a sacrifice to God. But now they learned how much joy they found in caring for this little boy. A priest friend talked to them about how married people can also practice chastity, by loving and being faithful to each other. They decided they would show their love for each other and for God by having as many children as they were able to care for. In the next several years, Zelie would give birth to 9 children. They wanted to have a boy so that he could become a priest. Sadly, 4 of their babies died as infants. But they never despaired, and were joyful and grateful to God for their 5 living daughters. Tragically, when their youngest daughter was only 4 & 1/2, Zelie died of breast cancer. Mr. and Mrs. Martin passed on to their children their deep love for God. They taught them a simple way of prayer and offering your whole life to God. As a result, all 5 daughters decided to become nuns. One by one, Louis gave his daughters to God. The youngest, named Therese, not only became a nun, but a saint; St. Therese of Lisieux! After Therese entered the convent, Louis became very sick, and eventually was paralyzed. He offered his sufferings to God and inspired everyone around him. Just this past year, Pope Benedict XVI studied evidence that a boy was cured by praying for the Martin’s intercession, and declared them Blessed. They are only the second married couple to receive this honor together. Soon, they will hopefully be made full-fledged saints! Their feast day is July 12.

Virtuous Verbiage Verification

Abstain – to deliberately keep from doing something or consuming something as a means of self-denial Chastity – a gift of the Holy Spirit, having control over your thoughts and actions, keeping your actions and intentions pure. Commitment – an agreement or pledge to do something. Purity – state of being free from any stain or sin; being as God made us to be. Purity of morals commonly refers to the virtue of chastity and therefore freedom from any wrongdoing in sexual activity. Respect – high regard, esteem, honor; to treat with special dignity Virginity – having had no sexual relations. Witness – one who gives evidence or testimony; one who offers their own story as proof.

Discussion questions:

1. If the Jonas brothers went to your school, how would they be treated? Would they be accepted for their values, or put down? What if they weren’t so famous or talented – Would people be less tolerant of their values if they were just “ordinary” guys?
2. Look at the Bible Blurb on page 4. It is one of the Beatitudes. Beatitude means complete happiness. Do you think following this Beatitude makes the Jonas Brothers more happy, or less happy? Are they closer to real happiness than their peers who don’t live these values?
3. What does the Church or the Pope think about falling in love? Is it OK for a Catholic to get romantically involved with someone? Does the Church think marriage is only for making babies and not about love?

Journal Writing

1. Imagine you have a friend who is struggling to keep his/her values. Maybe people at school, or a boyfriend/girlfriend are pressuring this friend to do something that is wrong. Write a letter explaining what you just learned about chastity, and living a life of values and purity, and how the Jonas brothers are an example of how to do it.
2. Write about a time when a friend or sibling or a groups of friends helped you stand up for what’s right or avoid a bad situation. How did it feel to have their support? Was it easier? How did you feel about yourself after? How did you feel about them?

A little while back, there was some controversy about Joe Jonas’ break up with Taylor Swift. Split into 2 teams. One team, present the case that Joe is immature and mean for breaking up with Taylor on the phone. The other side, argue that Joe wasn’t mean, that there is another side to the story, and that Taylor Swift was taking things too seriously. But remember, it is a debate… so you still have to be nice!

Activities:

1. Come up with a list of other celebrities you know who live these values; especially ones who also do something like wearing a purity ring.
2. Make a playlist of songs that you think are good, and are by musicians who live a life of good moral values. Write letters or emails to some or all of the artists or their record companies expressing your support for their lifestyle.

What do most people remember most about the Super Bowl Game of 2004?  Is it the 85-yard touchdown pass by Jake Delhomme that broke the Super Bowl record of the longest touchdown pass ever thrown? Is it the 41-yard field goal that Adam Vinetari kicked to win the game with four seconds left?  Oh, C’mon, do we even remember the score?

Most likely, what people will remember will be the half-time show, when network television crossed the line of decency during this family event. The half-time show, with sexually explicit lyrics, dancing and ripping off of clothing, crossed a line that should make us think and act.

Lowering Standards

Getting used to something bad can happen little by little. For years the networks and our culture as a whole have been moving the line of what’s viewed as appropriate or decent for young people and family audiences.  Slowly we have become desensitized in no longer feeling shocked or surprised in hearing and seeing images that show a lack of respect for women, and promote sexuality as a vehicle for self-pleasure.

How do we know if we have been desensitized?  The test is whether we feel a sense of surprise, shock or embarrassment in what we experience. Although most viewers thought Justin and Janet’s actions were wrong, most of us weren’t surprised that an MTV half-time production presented lewd dancing, raunchy lyrics and sexual moves.

Sexuality and marriage

God has a beautiful plan for sexuality. God has created sex as one way to love as He loves. Obviously, God does not have sex, but he does love us with intensity and complete fidelity. The tenderness, intimacy and passion of the union of husband and wife are meant to be an image of the intensity of God’s love for each of us.

God’s love is a personal, faithful, and committed love. Real love means being capable of laying down your life for another person. God meant sex to be that way too. Sex means that God has asked you to be the visible sign of his love for that person. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body” (Gen 2:24).

Bonding and babies

Also, sex is directly linked to God’s power and joy in creating another human person. Spouses are saying with God: “You are so wonderful that this world would be a better place if there were more people like you. I commit to being the father or mother of our child.”
Sex is a powerful and beautiful thing, but like so many beautiful things, its beauty is also fragile. Its power and beauty can also be misused. Using sex as something that simply makes us feel good without a permanent commitment to the other person turns sex into  selfishness, manipulation and slavery. To paraphrase a line from a movie, “Your body is making promises to me that you have no intention of keeping.”

But it’s just a T.V. show

Much of today’s media has tried to promote a selfish vision of sex. Television shows, movies, advertisements and music often suggest sexual relations without marriage, making people think that it is okay, or that it is just a trivial activity for fun and self-pleasure. In a Kaiser Family Foundation study, 76% of teens said that one reason young people have sex is because TV shows and movies make it seem normal for teens.i  An honest look at our own experiences tells us this is true, especially in relationship to sexual images and topics.

Sex Sells

It’s instructive to ask why there are so many sexual images in the media.  The answer is that sex sells, and selling things makes companies lots of money.  Stirring up sexual feelings in people can trigger our emotions, our minds and our body chemistry.  It’s easier to forget the answers to the social studies test than an advertisement that’s tied to sexual feelings.  Advertisers know this is part of human nature, so they study it and use it to exploit us so we will buy their products. They place more value on their profits than they do on the truth and dignity of human sexuality.

How far is too far?

Many would say, “Having sex is one thing, but the way I dress and behave is another. You can go pretty far without ‘doing anything’.” Apparently Justin and Janet did not “do anything” either, and yet it was clear that they went “too far”.

When something is special we treat it with respect. Sex is very special. Deep down, it means making a complete gift of one’s self to another person. The key is the word “gift”. Modesty creates respect for that gift. It reserves the gift for that one special person who has committed his or her life to me. Modesty does not mean dressing ugly. When we want to give someone something special and “just for him” or “just for her” we usually wrap the gift with beauty and wait until the right moment. Modesty means protecting that gift and making it as special as it was meant to be.

Modesty and mystery

Modesty actually makes a person more beautiful. In true love there is a mystery about the other person that creates an awe and fascination. This is not a game. Each person is truly a mystery, because each person is made in God’s image, and belongs first of all to God. Marriage and sex mean being allowed into the mystery of another person in an intimate and permanent way. Contrast what happened in the show to what the Church teaches about the delicate beauty of sex. That beauty should be protected and promoted by the virtue of modesty.
“Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love…Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing…It protects, for example, against the voyeuristic explorations of the human body in certain advertisements, or against the solicitations of certain media that go too far in the exhibition of intimate things. “(CCC, 2522-3).
Thus it becomes a question not of “how far is too far”, but rather, how much you are willing to respect what real love is all about.
“That’s just the way things are nowadays.” …Oh, really?
It’s important to realize that we have the power to try and change things when we experience something against our values. Although the majority of people are aware that there is a general lack of modesty in television shows, it was not until this occurrence that they decided to do something about it. 200,000 people complained to the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) about the half-time show. That is a new record.

Thanks to the action of the American people, steps were immediately taken to ensure decency the following week.  CBS took some responsibility and decided to broadcast the Grammy Award show on a five-minute delay, so they could delete anything that was too raunchy before it was sent into our homes.

Janet Jackson was asked not to attend the Grammy Awards, in hopes of the outraged society cooling down their memories of being offended. Justin Timberlake was still there to get his award and apologize to the public. Female performers at those awards decided to dress more modestly.

At the following week’s Pro Bowl planned half-time songs were eliminated that included sexual language.

The FCC is looking into charging monetary fines to those responsible. Since TV and media are also about money, placing large fines for each violation can be very effective. Over the last ten years the FCC has shied away from doing this, but increased public demands of decency can give this government agency the confidence it needs to enforce already existing laws that are meant to protect the beauty and dignity of sex.

Our power as consumers can also make a difference. Boycotts and protests to advertisers and companies get the companies’ attention. Thus, it is not only the responsibility of the government and the television stations, but also of the American people to safeguard the decency of the media.

These short-term steps are encouraging. However, the real test comes over the long term.  After the present criticism dies down, will the media go back to using sex as a tool for selling shows and products, and will it still portray sex as a tool for self-pleasure?  And what about the larger issue of promoting sex outside of marriage? Will we wait until people are completely desensitized to begin to protest and work for change?

Bible Blurbs

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.”  1 Corinthians 6:13
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her… (Ephesians 5: 25)
“But I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Mt 5:28
“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? … Therefore honor God with your body.”     1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Catechism Clips

• 2520 Baptism confers on its recipient the grace of purification from all sins. But the baptized must continue to struggle against concupiscence of the flesh and disordered desires. With God’s grace he will prevail …-by the virtue and gift of chastity, for chastity lets us love with upright and undivided heart; …- by purity of intention …- by purity of vision, external and internal; by discipline of feelings and imagination; by refusing all complicity in impure thoughts that incline us to turn aside from the path of God’s commandments: “Appearance arouses yearning in fools”;314 – by prayer:
• 2521 …. Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden … It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them….
• 2525 Christian purity requires a purification of the social climate. It requires of the communications media that their presentations show concern for respect and restraint. Purity of heart brings freedom from widespread eroticism and avoids entertainment inclined to voyeurism and illusion.
• 2361 “Sexuality, by means of which man and woman give themselves to one another through the acts which are proper and exclusive to spouses, is not something simply biological, but concerns the innermost being of the human person as such. It is realized in a truly human way only if it is an integral part of the love by which a man and woman commit themselves totally to one another until death.”143
• 2496 The means of social communication (especially the mass media) can give rise to a certain passivity among users, making them less than vigilant consumers of what is said or shown. Users should practice moderation and discipline in their approach to the mass media. They will want to form enlightened and correct consciences the more easily to resist unwholesome influences.

Quotable Quotes

“It is well known how this young girl had to face a bitter struggle with no way of defending herself. Without warning a vicious stranger burst upon her, bent on raping her and destroying her childlike purity. …With splendid courage she surrendered herself to God and his grace and so gave her life to protect her virginity. …
“From Maria’s story … young people with their zest for life can learn not to be led astray by attractive pleasures which are not only ephemeral and empty but also sinful. …
“Not all of us are expected to die a martyr’s death, but we are all called to the pursuit of Christian virtue. This demands strength of character though it may not match that of this innocent girl. Still, a constant, persistent and relentless effort is asked of us…”  From a homily given by Pope Pius XII at the canonization of Saint Maria Goretti (Maria died in 1902 at twelve years old, protecting her purity from the aggressions of a young man.)
“Dear young people… You are right to be disappointed with hollow entertainment and passing fads, and with aiming at too little in life. If you have an ardent desire for the Lord you will steer clear of the mediocrity and conformism so widespread in our society.” (John Paul II Message for World Youth Day 2002)
http://www.themediaproject.com/news/itn/122002.html

Vocabulary

Respect for Others -Showing honor and consideration for each human being; upholding the dignity of every person
Responsibility – Being accountable for our actions
Modesty – Being decent or appropriate in dress, speech, and behavior
Exploit- Use to one’s advantage
Decency -Proper behaviour in speech, dress and behavior
Desensitized- Made emotionally insensitive or unresponsive, as by long exposure or repeated shocks.
Scandal – behavior that leads another to do evil. Unseemly conduct of a person that causes moral lapse in another; cause for stumbling, temptation

Saints and Heroes

St. Genesius of Rome was a performer in the Roman Empire during the 4th century who was martyred for a show in which he expressed his values. As a comedian and leader of a theatrical group, he had the opportunity to perform one day before the Emperor Diocletian. Although he originally intended to ridicule the Christian rites by pretending to receive the Sacrament of Baptism, he converted onstage. When the water was poured over his head, he proclaimed himself a Christian. Diocletian at first enjoyed the realistic play, but finding Genesius to be in earnest, ordered him to be tortured and then beheaded (c. 303). His feast is August 25, and he is the patron of actors, theatrical performers and musicians.

Blessed Angela of Foligno (1248-1309) Born in Foligno, Italy as a wealthy non-Christian, she married young and had several children. She was a worldly and frail woman who lived wildly, adulterously and sacrilegiously for a while. She had a conversion in 1285 when she saw a vision, and after the death of her mother, husband and children she turned completely to God and penance. As a Franciscan tertiary, she led a group of other tertiaries and was known for her charity, patience and humility. She died on January 4, 1309 in Foligno of natural causes. She is the patron of people ridiculed for their piety, and for those suffering temptations.

Discussion Questions

1. Do you think that television is helping to raise or lower your community standards? Do you think that television is helping to raise or lower family values?
2. What is the importance of keeping sexuality inside marriage? Why did God give it such importance as to make it a sacrament? What is true love?
3. If your class is familiar with the TV show Friends, read to them the following quote and then open it up for discussion:  “Our teens are victims of a society which is toxic to their sexual health.  Television programs like “Friends” are selling sex to my patients.  These are lies that need to be exposed to the television audience.  Statistically, on Friends, two of those people should have an STD.  Have we heard about it? NO! OF course you don’t, because they don’t want to talk about that, because then nobody wants to watch the show.” Dr. Meg Meeker, Saving Our Children, Front Line, St. Louis. Winter 2003

Personal Reflection/Writing

1. What are some ways we can strengthen our own values without having to throw the television out the window? How can we form our consciences to know what parts are good and what parts are not? How can we help friends who might not have the same means that we have to stay strong, and might be more influenced by what they see in the media?
2. Write a letter to your future spouse. Tell him or her what type of a person and spouse you want to be for him or her. Tell why you promise to wait for him or her.

Resolution Idea

1. Go through your closet and get rid of immodest clothing. Vow to dress more modestly.
2. File a formal complaint with the FCC http://www.afa.net/petitions/fcccomplaint.asp

Resources

www.teens4truth.com
Kreeft, Peter Back to Virtue Ignatius Press, pp. 165-176
Madrid, Patrick, Surprised By Truth II (Story about a model who had a conversion)