We all dream of meeting the perfect guy or girl. We probably have a whole list of things that “special someone” will have: good looks, fun personality, kindness, etc. We often ask God for help in finding that person, which is not a bad idea, since God really wants us to be happy.

Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber both pray. J B is open about the fact that he prays often. “Never Say Never”, his recent docu-movie, clearly showed him praying at diffeent moments. He prays with his family and crew before his concerts. He and his buddies prayed before sharing pizza (The pizza prayer was a real buddie moment: half funny, half serious). In his autobiographical book Justin clearly states he is a Christian and explains how some aspects of the Christian faith help him in his life.

Justin also took time this past year to make a pilgrimage (religious trip) to Israel where he wanted to pray at the places where Jesus had lived.

And every teenage girl knows “the Bieb” carries a tattoo on his ribs that spells Jesus’ name in Hebrew, a tattoo that his dad also carries.

Selena Gomez is Catholic. She and her family try to attend Sunday Mass as much as her constant traveling permits. She admits that her favorite times growing up were those weekly moments when they could take part in Mass as a family and have more family time afterwards. She says God is a huge part of her life.

Selena also made the news a few years ago because she was wearing a chastity ring. She explained that it was promise that she wanted to make to God when she was 13. She had asked her dad to buy her this ring and she took it to a Catholic priest to have it blessed.

Selena isn’t wearing the chastity ring any more. Many say it’s because she felt that she could’t keep that promise any longer. They say that she and Justin have already “done it”.

Others say the ring restricted her fashion choices.  Selena is in huge demand for fashion shoots and has to change her look slightly for every shoot. So the ring was too restricting.

But it is clear that Selena grew up asking God to help her meet the right guy, and the chastity ring was part of that.

Maybe Selena has found the right guy. Maybe she hasn’t. That’s up to her. In a recent Teen Vogue interview Selena explained that now that she is 18 she very much wants to fall in love but is not sure if her first 18 year old love will be the person she eventually marries. All the paparrazzi photos seem to confirm that she is in love… and that her love is J. B.

So, if she and Justin want it to last, what should they do?

Well, first of all they should really try not to go too far. If they already have (We are all weak when we are with someone to whom we find a really attracted, so we know we have to be careful.) they should set some boundaries, so that the physical aspect of the relationship is kept under control until they actually commit to each other (By commitment I mean getting married.)

Sex is good, and it is designed by God to help us fall more in love with the person we have committed our lives to, the person with whom we want to be with for the rest of our lives, the person we want be the father or mother of our children.

But because we are weak we often want to “have desert” before “the main course”. The main course means building up a really strong friendship and mutual respect. It involves spending time with that special someone without letting the physical attraction make us lose our heads before it’s time.

The fireworks are a beautiful part of love, but they only last for a while if they are not founded on something bigger, something more than physical attraction. What lasts is mutual respect, mutual esteem. These things help keep the flame alive and active even when the original “intoxication” of love (This stage of love is usually called infatuation.) begins to wear off. Mutual respect and esteem also help to revive the “intoxication” experience when it grows dim.

So, be careful, Selena and Justin. Spend time together. Learn to listen to each other. Find out what you agree on. Find out where you disagree. Have some fights.

Yes, I am serious! Find out what things you don’t agree on. It’s OK to have disagreements and see if you can work things out, respecting the opinion and values of the other person without compromising your own. It helps the relationship to mature.

Also find out what aspects of your own personality you need to improve to make the relationship work.

Find out what aspects and values are not worth giving up just to please the other person.

Then, if you are going to make the relationship last you will need to cut back on the constant traveling. We all have a right to have a career. We all have a right to travel. But in order to make love last we need to be around for the one we love. That is a tough sacrifice when your career is so successful and the career demands constant traveling.

It’s seems to me that at this stage you are probably not ready to make this kind of sacrifice, Selena and Justin, and you both seem to know it. So keep scheduling time together. That’s good, really good.

But if you are going to take it to the next level you need to talk about the sacrifices you are going to have to make in a few years. And a few years come sooner than we think.

So this romance is going to be pretty difficult…

But, …wait.

Justin has said that he wants to be married and start a family by the time he is 25.

There’s something for you two to talk about, Selena and Justin. Talk about it privately. No pressure. Figure out if  you are serious about this. Do you and Selena want to start cutting back on your careers in about five years? That would be totally cool… for your romance anyway (maybe not so much for your fans, but most of them would totally understand) It’s definitely something  that could make your romance turn into something more than a passing flame.

But you have to show you are serious about this. Start making real plans now, not just vague desires. Talk to your parents and your managers about this. But know that in the end it is up to you two.

Leaving successful careers is pretty scary. You’re only 17 and 18. And you’ve got a lot of future in front of you.

But you seem to know what you want. And wanting to marry a wonderful girl or a great guy is a really good thing.

Starting a family at 25 is certainly doable. It depends on how much you want to mature. There are many lasting and happy marriages that were started at that age. Very happy marriages. I know a lot of them. But it does take sacrifices.

Yeah, sacrifice. That’s the hard part of love. Sacrifice doesn’t mean we have to be miserable or give up all our dreams, but it does mean seeing clearly which are our most important dreams. What dreams are going to make us the most happy? Love is definitely a dream worth making some sacrifices for.

Jesus has a cool story about love. He says that when a man finds a treasure hidden in a field he goes and sells all he has in order to buy that field (Matthew 13: 44). Jesus was talking about love for God when he told this story. But it also applies to human love.

True, Selena nor Justin, neither of you should give up absolutely everything else that is good about your lives. You should still be able to perform. You should still have lots of friends besides each other. You should still travel.

Just that that these other good things will have to be reduced a bit. You might even want to go “cold turkey” for a little while (“Cold turkey” means giving up something totally for a while.), at least the travelling, just to find a new balance.

So, maybe you are not ready for this yet, but it is a good time to start talking… Let’s hope you do. I’ll be praying for you.

Reps for J.B. say he posted this picture on his site. Caption: “Brangelina 2.0 hahahaha”

This movie is one of the few Christian movies that I’ve seen that does not fall into the “corny” category. It is a story about a man who is given a second chance by God to see what his life could be like if he had chosen a less selfish path. It celebrates family and service without being patronizing.

I think the acting is excellent, and the dialogue is not the sort of soppy cliche stuff that we have come to expect in Christian movies. It is much more real and honest. I especially liked the angel character, played by John Ratzenberger (Cheers, Toy Story 1-3, Wall-E). You can see why John is one of the six most successful actors of all time. I also really liked the acting of Kristy Swanson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) who plays the wife and mother role.

This is not an action-adventure movie. It is a thoughtful movie, so be prepared to think and ponder as you watch it. It covers a very important theme we all need to think about: am I becoming a person of love or a person of selfishness?

Let’s Pray…
Holy Spirit, give us the ability to see all things through eyes of faith. Show us how to discern, so we can embrace what is right and good, and reject what is not.

Every decade or two, a controversial figure emerges on the music scene. An artist who is completely dedicated to pushing the extreme limits of what society can handle, both musically and visually. Lady Gaga is without question this artist today.

In June, Gaga made the news not for her music or videos, but for indecent public behavior and obscene gestures at Citi Field (NY Mets game). Days later she found a way past security at Yankee Stadium and entered the Yankees’ clubhouse while intoxicated.

In an August 2 article from CNN, the pop diva admitted to continued occasional cocaine use. This is a direct contradiction with her previous statements saying she gave up cocaine and only occasionally used ecstasy. Both drugs can potentially have devastating effects with only one use; especially for someone like Lady Gaga, who has had drug problems in the past.

There is certainly a lot that is objectionable about Lady Gaga’s extremism. It seems like she will stop at nothing to see her name in headlines. But if we dig through the glam and glitter, behind the crazy costumes and characters and publicity stunts, is there ANYTHING we can learn?

Born on March 20, 1986, Lady Gaga was baptized Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta. She grew up on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, and learned to play the piano at only four years old. She attributes her unique attitude to the combination upbringing of her parents’ faith; her father is an Italian Catholic and her mother is a Methodist.

She has one sister who is 6 years younger than her. Although wealthy by many people’s standards, her family wouldn’t be considered rich in their neighborhood. Nor were they famous like some other pop artists’ families (Miley Cyrus, for example).

Stefani Germanotta went to all-girls Catholic high school at the Convent of the Sacred Heart (the same school as the Hilton sisters, incidentally). School plays and concerts are where she got her first taste of performing for large audiences. With her parents’ support, she worked hard; practicing two hours a day on her piano. She performed in clubs and bars around the city at only 14 years old.

At 17 she was accepted to a very prestigious music school called Tisch School of the Arts at NYU. After only a year at NYU, Germanotta dropped out of school so she could perform more gigs. Before her 20th birthday she had signed a record deal with Interscope and produced her first album, The Fame.

A Star Is Morphed

How did this sweet, Catholic school girl from a pretty normal family end up morphing in to the outlandish, far-out, queen of pop-crazy? After the brief college stint, Stefani went back to playing more “normal” music in a more traditional way. The turning point came when she took a break from performing to write songs in a new style; she calls it “glam music”.

One of the bars she played at a lot is called The Bitter End. Nearly every up-and-coming music act, and even an occasional full-blown star, plays this club at some point. She chose The Bitter End as the first place to play her new glam music. That first night, everyone was talking, eating and drinking, and having too much fun to listen. No one was paying attention to the poor teenage girl singing and playing her heart out on stage. Germanotta tried asking for the people to listen and be quiet, but they weren’t really interested.

In an interview with Barbara Walters, Stefani said, “Every bit of me is devoted to love and art…” She uses her music as a means to express her inner self; her struggles, her hopes and dreams, the things she can’t put into words. So she found this experience hard to take, because she had put so much of herself and her passion into writing the songs. She was really upset that no one would listen.

She quickly thought of ways to get people’s attention; and then it occurred to her to start removing her clothes… until she was singing in her underwear. Suddenly, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared in shock. Some looked on in horror, thinking she was crazy. Others inappropriately ogled her. But everyone listened.

For Stefani, this was one of those moments when life teaches you a lesson. That night she learned not everyone is interested in hearing or paying attention to self-expression. Unfortunately, she also learned a cold reality about many people: she could MAKE them pay attention by showing some skin.

And so her new character was born, along with her provocative costumes, which are often even more scary and grotesque than they are scandalous. Being a stage performer in high school, Stefani found it natural to add performance art and dance to her acts. A little while later, a friend gave her a nickname based on the Queen song Radio-a-gaga: Lady Gaga.

Playing to the wound

Our culture makes it easy for many young women to feel as though the only way to get people’s attention and approval is to misuse their sexuality. The sad truth is the reaction of the people in that crowd, and millions of people since then, has only helped convince Lady Gaga that this is true. Themes of feeling used, poor self-image, and wounded dignity are found in many of her songs. “Bad Romance” for example, speaks from the standpoint of someone who settles for a bad relationship because they do not feel they deserve or can get anything better.

Wounding others

There is a point at which someone’s own self-expression stops being just about themself and starts to affect others around them. Lady Gaga learned this first hand with her father.

“Well, …it wasn’t really so easy for my dad, especially in the beginning. I mean we didn’t talk for months after the first time he saw me play, and uh, he didn’t understand… Because it was such a drastic change, um, from who I was in high school, and who I became.” A self-professed “daddy’s girl,” Lady Gaga has learned the price of expressing yourself and your own ideas without thinking about how it might effect others.

And her full time acting out of the Lady Gaga character, even when she is not on stage, could be altering her own idea of who she is, and even her father’s idea of who she is. Recently, Gage visited her father in the hospital and he sent her home to put on her makeup, because she didn’t look like what he’d come to expect from her. Some people may say this is simply Lady Gaga choosing who she wants to be; others may say she is walking a dangerous line of losing who she really is by always putting on a show.

So wrong, so right

Some of the lifestyle choices and behaviors Lady Gaga promotes, and gives example of, are unhealthy or self-destructive. However, every once in a while she makes you stop and wonder how someone who seems so wrong could say something so right. While her reasons and explanations for these things may not be coming from a healthy set of values, here are some things she has said that are in line with the Catholic values she learned growing up.

Television shows such as Gossip Girl and 90210 make money off of telling young people that sexual promiscuity is “normal” behavior for teens. Lady Gaga begs to differ:
“I remember the cool girls when I was growing up. Everyone started to have sex. But it’s not really cool anymore to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.”

Mixing Messages

In other interviews, she says, “I can’t believe I’m saying this — don’t have sex. I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single…”

Can this be true? Is the singer who dances around in next to nothing and seems to promote the do-whatever-makes-you-feel-good lifestyle really telling fans that you can retain your virginity and still be cool? Yes she is!

Now, it may be for different reasons than parents, priests, and religions say the same things, but the lesson is the same. To Lady Gaga, it is important that you “own” yourself, and be in control of yourself, in order to give yourself away to a spouse. While she does not adhere to the Catholic Church’s teaching that you should wait for marriage, she does warn young people about giving in to sexual temptation simply because of the pressure that society or other people place on you.

“You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself.” she tells fans. And again, “So it’s OK not to have sex, it’s OK to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.” Lady Gaga has chosen to focus on her career and her music right now. She understands that in order to have a successful relationship, you have to take time to get to know one another and establish emotional and spiritual intimacy. So rather than turn to meaningless encounters with people she doesn’t really love, she has decided to put off having sex. And she’s making sure to tell others to do so as well.

The way Lady Gaga speaks about having a family sounds very much like a Catholic ideal, and seems to contradict her typically ultra-feminist and anti-traditional views. Speaking about how she felt when her father developed heart trouble, Gaga said “I just wanted to have him walk me down the aisle and hold my babies…”

Once again, Lady Gaga surprises us with an insight into who she really is. While many around her are trying to question the idea of traditional family, her idea of normal is a husband and kids; a real family. “I want to have babies for my Dad to hold, grandkids. And I want to have a husband who loves and supports me, just the way anyone else does.”

Lady Gaga admits that she is “tortured” by her thoughts and inner dialogue. She says that there are questions and doubts that are constantly going on in her mind, so much so that she cannot sleep. This has at times made her so exhausted that she collapsed or got sick on stage. Gaga admits that she often needs medication in order to get much needed rest.

In an interview with CNN’s Larry King, Gaga reveals that some of the struggles she has are with faith in God and religion:

“Well, I struggle. I struggle with my feelings about the Church… I’m very religious… I was raised Catholic. I believe in Jesus… I pray very much… But at the same time there is no one religion that does not hate… another [religious, group, racial group, or sexual group.] I guess you could say I’m a very religious woman, but also very confused about religion.”

Being involved in the world of theater and entertainment has exposed her to a lot of people who feel marginalized or outcast by religion. The Catholic Church refuses to compromise on what is right and what is wrong, and many people feel badly and misunderstand that as some form of discrimination. This has led her to question her faith. So, where does Lady Gaga seem to be going for the answers?

These types of doubts and questions expose a danger of being consumed with your own thoughts, feelings, and uniqueness: the illusion of self-reliance. When someone spends all their time exploring and expressing their own ideas, feelings, and opinions, and goes to extremes to create a unique image, it can be easy to depend only on oneself. There is a huge temptation to expect to figure out all the answers on your own. This can make it very frustrating when you experience doubts or have questions you can’t answer.
It takes a lot of humility to go to someone else and ask them to explain something. It also takes a lot of trust. However, it can bring a lot of peace of mind when you understand that you aren’t the only one who struggles and that there are others who can help you. Especially in matters of faith, it is important to find someone who really knows what the Church teaches, who can explain things well and clear up any misconceptions you might have heard. Perhaps this could help Lady Gaga find some peace. But for now, she says the turmoil she feels gives her a lot of energy and topics for new music, so she’s making the best of it.

Gaga Saga Continues

What we see in Stefani, or Lady Gaga as she is called, is a struggle. A constant inner conflict, between expressing and exploring her darkest and most terrifying thoughts and feelings, and doing what she knows is right and what will make her the happiest on the deepest level, the level of truths that don’t change. It’s a struggle between finding a way to be unique while still trying to be popular. It’s about fighting to expose the things we think are great about ourselves, while having a war with those things that hurt our confidence and self-image.

It is a struggle that all of us endure. Lady Gaga talks a lot about defining yourself and choosing who you want to be. But if we look closer, she shows us that underneath her costumes and characters, beats the heart of person who is struggling with the chaos of self discovery. We all do our best to present an image that will impress others, but when life presents questions we can’t figure out, where will we go for answers?

Here’s a link to another article about Lady Gaga.

Bottom line: a fun family movie about a bad guy who fails to become the most famous villian in the world but learns that being a father is much more fulfilling.

His little workers, the minions, are hillarious, and make the movie even more fun.

Positive: highlights the value of family.

Pixar has done it again. They make us laugh, feel compassion, excitement, sadness, and joy. Yet all they use is a bunch of children’s toys. It’s an amazing accomplishment, showing the power of simple values. Buzz Lightyear is always hilarious with his self-absorbed, yet noble personality. And Woody teaches us loyalty to friends in a heroic way. It’s probably this lesson that most impressed me, but I sure had fun while I learned the lesson. This is a must-see for all ages.