Since the Miss USA pageant this past April, Carrie Prejean has found herself at the center of a media storm. The storm was about marriage. Carrie has tried to do her best to explain what happened to her in the Miss USA pageant, and this naturally leads her to explain her views on marriage.

Carrie’s views on marriage are the same basic views of most convinced Christians. They are the views that most Americans and all societies in the past have held up to the present. Up to the present, marriage has always been considered the union of a man and a woman. For most of us, this is basic, common sense. So, it is strange that Carrie should get attacked so severely. The attacks speak of a dedicated campaign to change people’s attitudes towards marriage.

Traditional marriage is a good for society, and we can say this with charity. Carrie has tried to do this.

Many movies, television programs, and other media have been highlighting homosexual relationships during the last years. They present stories that claim homosexual love is the same as love between a man and a woman. They claim it is “discrimination” to prohibit same-sex marriage.

Stories have a very powerful effect on our way of thinking. But not all stories tell the whole truth. There is a truth about human happiness that many of these stories leave out.

Whether we believe in God or not, sexual love has a powerful effect on our happiness. Living sex in the right way can greatly enhance our happiness. Living sex in the wrong way may give us the “sensation” of love for a little while, but it only leads to a deeper emptiness. It becomes self-destructive. It also becomes destructive of others.

That is why we need to think critically as we hear a story. We need to be able to verify if the claims of the story are true.

Happiness is not found in the misuse of sex. Nor is it found in simply having good feelings for a while. It is found in living for others, in living unselfishly. Living sex in the right way is also part of this.

It is very easy to live sex in the wrong way. That is why we need real wisdom to understand sex correctly and we need prudence and self-control to live it in a way that brings real happiness.

In creating man and woman God has tried to put this awareness of the correct use of sex into the heart of every human being. This is called conscience. Our conscience has a deep awareness of the right use of sex. It is one of the most basic ideas that God engraves in our conscience.

Sometimes this awareness is lost by sad things that happen. For example, sometimes a person has been abused sexually. Other times a person has been hurt in his or her emotional growth by lack of connection with one or both parents, especially while young. Sometimes people, especially girls, are hurt by being treated like sexual objects by the opposite sex, rather than being respected and cherished as a friend. Sometimes sexual discernment is lost by getting involved in pornography and addictive sexual behavior.

A person who is living a same-sex relationship is looking for something good, but in the wrong way. He or she is looking for love and happiness. But he or she is looking for it in a way that will only lead to emptiness.

Same-sex relationships do not truly make a person happy, because they do not complete the person. They do not respect the sexual and psychological complementarity of sex, where one person’s body and spirit add something that completes the other person, something that the other person does not have. The physical and spiritual “plumbing” of sexual love does not work in same-sex relationships. In fact, usually same-sex relations are a sign that there are some deeper problems going on in a person’s life, problems that need healing and help.

We need to show great charity and love towards those who struggle with same-sex attraction, but we need to say that homosexual relations are not the same as traditional marriage.

We know that this makes homosexual people very angry. No one likes to be told that what they are doing is wrong or bad. But society has to respect the truth about marriage and family.

Marriage and family are absolutely essential to the good of society. Without traditional marriage, children lose out. Adults lose out too.

Children lose out on learning what it means to be a man and woman by the example and closeness of both their father and their mother. They lose out on learning the complimentary roles of man and woman in society in an intimate and loving way.

Children also lose out on love. They lose out on being loved by both a father and a mother. Every child has a right to know they are loved both by their father and their mother. The way a man loves his child is different and complementary to the way a mother loves her child. Both are important. Both prepare the child for the real world. And every child longs to be loved by both a father and a mother.

It is proven that children who are raised by their own father and mother do better in life, are happier, and contribute more to society. Sometimes this is not possible, but this is the ideal that society should strive for.

To make same-sex marriage equivalent to traditional marriage means many children will lose their right to having both a father and mother.

Adults also lose out in same-sex marriage because this type of relationship does not lead to real happiness. It only leads to deeper problems.

Why is traditional marriage so important in our faith?

From our faith point of view, we can see that marriage is the very first and fundamental institution that God has given to man and woman. He has given it for their own happiness. He invented it, and he knows how it is made to work. He also knows that if we don’t live marriage in the right way, our society will not work.

As Catholics, we should strive to understand our faith. Since marriage is now such a serious issue, we should make a special effort to understand why our faith defends traditional marriage.

The debate about gay marriage is continuing. In fact, it is heating up even more. In the last month, two other states have approved gay marriage, while traditional marriage groups have also been gaining support.

Legal experts foresee a very heated and difficult battle, because, with the approval of gay marriage in many states, the Christian view of marriage will often be considered bigoted and hate-speech by many of those state governments.

Parents who teach that same-sex marriage is wrong will be considered bigots by the law. They will have many of their rights taken away.

This has already happened in Massachusetts where same-sex marriage was approved. There, a parent has already been thrown in jail because he tried to remove his child from classes that taught homosexual relationships are OK.

Religious freedom will also be attacked. In Canada, where same-sex marriage has already been approved, the Catholic bishop of the diocese of Calgary has been repeatedly threatened by the government because he teaches publicly that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. He is simply teaching what our Catholic faith teaches and what every society until the present has always believed.

These will not be easy times to act and speak as a convinced Christian. Yet we should continue to act with charity and respect. We should strive to “speak the truth with love.”

Speaking the truth is a powerful act of charity, even if sometimes we are misunderstood and ridiculed for speaking out. Truth has power, and will eventually convince others. The truth about marriage is very beautiful and needs to be explained much more today. The future of our society depends on it.

At the end of the lesson we offer other useful resources for understanding and explaining traditional marriage.

Resources and info on Catholic teaching regarding the definition of Marriage can be found here:

http://www.narth.com/docs/hopebib.html

http://www.catholic.com/library/gay_marriage.asp

It was an exciting moment. Carrie Prejean’s turn had arrived to answer a question from a judge during the final round of the Miss USA pageant. When the question came, Carrie’s stomach turned. The judge wanted to know what she, as the reigning Miss California and the potential Miss USA, thought about “gay marriage.” She knew what the man wanted to hear. But she also knew what she truly believed.

Carrie wondered: should she give the popular answer or speak her conscience? She quickly prayed for guidance.

We’ll get to her answer — and its aftermath — in a minute. But first, let’s take a quick look at Carrie’s life leading up to the Miss USA pageant. That will help us zero in on the point of this lesson: True marriage is worth defending … even when it costs you dearly.

Young love

Carrie Prejean was a shy child but, in high school, she became a four-sport athlete. Her softball team won a national championship. Then, encouraged by her parents, she joined a youth group at her evangelical Protestant church. She found that she loved to learn more about God, his love for her and his love for everyone. This knowledge became a source of deep joy for her.

Her parents and her church also taught her that her faith and her values would be challenged in the world today. She made a personal commitment to Christ and to her Christian values, prepared to deal with the challenges this commitment would bring.

You really think I’m pretty?

When Carrie was 17, some people began insisting that she enter beauty pageants. “I didn’t even know what a pageant was,” she told the press recently. But Carrie had always liked challenges and trying new things. The idea that she could be competitive in a beauty contest stirred her imagination.

Going for it

Carrie isn’t exaggerating when she describes herself as someone who can be very enthusiastic once she decides on a goal. She got the name of a woman who helps organize beauty pageants and called her. When the woman met Carrie, she seemed impressed. She explained the basics of the pageant and gave Carrie some information to look over and some forms to fill out. So it was that, at 17, Carrie entered her first beauty contest … and won!

College!

In college, Carrie continued participating in beauty pageants. She spent her freshman year at a state school, but after prayer and discernment decided that she wanted to attend a Christian college. She transferred to San Diego Christian College, a school known for promoting a strong faith life.

Carrie greatly enjoyed her new school. She saw the environment of faith and intellectual challenge as an opportunity to prepare for the future: She wanted to be a Christian leader. She wanted to help bring Christ to others and make a difference in the world. Most of all, she wanted people to know the deep sense of satisfaction she had found through a personal and prayerful relationship with Jesus.

Reaching out

Besides her studies and her beauty pageant preparations, Carrie also got involved in outreach programs to the handicapped and the hurting. She took part in a ministry to women exploited by prostitution and pornography.

Beauty strategy

During this time, Carrie’s attitude toward beauty pageants was, “Just be joyful and be myself. Be happy with who I am and try to show kindness to everyone else.” It worked. Her successes mounted with each contest. This past November Carrie won the Miss California USA pageant. She was also voted Miss Congeniality by her fellow contestants.

Prepping

Winning the Miss California USA title was exciting in itself, but it also qualified her for the Miss USA pageant. She decided to take a semester off from school to prepare for the pageant. She worked out, followed a demanding diet and studied many of the topics she might be asked about.

The Miss USA pageant took place in Las Vegas over a two-week period. Only the last day of the pageant, April 19, was shown on national television. Which brings us back to the question that changed her life.

Facing Down Fear

As the telecast began, the host named 15 finalists. Several rounds of competition followed until only five girls remained. For the final round, each finalist would have to answer a question from a celebrity judge. The girls picked judges’ numbers from a bottle and Carrie ended up with Judge No. 8 — Perez Hilton.

This man’s real name is Mario Armando Lavandeira. He is famous for his abrasive personality and insulting commentaries on TV and the Internet. He is also famous for promoting changing the definition of marriage so gay couples can get “married.”

“Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage,” said Mr. Hilton. “Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”

This was a loaded question. Perez Hilton was setting Carrie up to either cave in to popular pressure or make a fool of herself in front of millions of people.

Or so he thought.

At first, Carrie tried to soft-pedal her beliefs. “I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other,” she said. “We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.”

But as she spoke these words, she heard a still, small voice speaking to her heart. Which crown did she want more — the Miss USA crown or the crown Christ wanted to give her?

She interrupted herself in mid-thought. “And you know what?” she said. “I think that in my country, and in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman — no offense to anybody out there — but that’s how I was raised and … I think that it should be between a man and a woman.”

Media Firestorm

As Carrie spoke these words, an immediate reaction rose from the audience. Most people applauded, encouraged by Carrie’s bravery and honesty, but there were also some boos. You probably already know that Carrie lost the contest.

Afterward, a famous television reporter asked her about Perez Hilton’s question. Carrie was surprised that such a famous reporter would want to talk to the runner-up rather than the winner. In her mind, what happened to her was simply a side story. She soon began to find out that this was not just a side story. It had already become national news.

Digging up dirt

In May, a celebrity-gossip blog ran a photo of Carrie partially undressed. Her back was to the camera, and the image was not especially racy by today’s standards, but the organizers of the Miss California pageant announced that they were investigating. Carrie, they said, might have her Miss California title taken from her.

Speaking in her own defense, Carrie stated that she had posed for the shot when she was 17 and pursuing a career as a model. She objected to the release of the photo.

“I am a Christian, and I am a model,” she said. “Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. Recently, photos taken of me as a teenager have been released surreptitiously to a tabloid Web site that openly mocks me for my Christian faith. I am not perfect, and I will never claim to be.”

She has also pointed out that she was “naive and young” at the time of the photography and regrets having made the decision to pose for that particular shoot. Maggie Gallagher, head of the National Organization for Marriage — which works to keep marriage between one man and one woman — spoke out in Carrie’s defense. “You don’t have to be a perfect person,” said Gallagher, “to have the right to stand up for marriage.”

“You’re fired!”

The media circus followed Carrie around for weeks. Then, on June 10, the final ax fell. Carrie was stripped of her Miss California crown. This was the title that had gotten her into the Miss USA pageant to begin with.The organizers of the Miss California pageant claimed Carrie had not been cooperative in carrying out her duties. Carrie disputed that claim.

“They don’t agree with the stance that I took [on gay marriage],” she said. “They don’t like me. From Day One they wanted me out, and they got what they wanted. … I was very respectful of people even when they slandered me and humiliated me,” she added. “I have not once stooped down to their level.”

With these words, and with her acceptance of embarrassing defeat, Carrie showed the world what Christian forgiveness looks like.

A Crown lost, a crown gained

Carrie may have been stripped of her crown as Miss California, but she certainly can stand tall. She has been given a crown of courage, even if many mock her and call her a hypocrite. She has stood up for marriage at a time when it is extremely important to do so.

Marriage really matters. It matters for all of society. Carrie has done her small part to witness to the beauty and truth of marriage.

Battles ahead

What does Carrie Prejean’s future hold? That remains to be seen. She still has many choices ahead of her.

One thing is for certain: The battle for the truth about marriage will continue. Legal experts foresee a very heated and difficult battle, because, with the approval of gay “marriage” in many states, the Christian view of marriage may be considered bigoted “hate speech” by government.

We Catholics, too, will be called on to defend marriage. Will we have the courage to stand firm as Carrie Prejean did — even when it means losing something we have worked hard for? When we experience loss, we can remember that nothing is truly lost when we stand up for truth.

On the contrary, we help others. Let us continue to speak the truth with love. Christ will give us our crown, and we will know the happiness of having helped others with our lives.