The word went out last week that the romance between Selena Gomez and Justin Beiber is on hold or maybe over.
Although neither of the two have officially denied it or confirmed it, Justin gave a hint that he is sad and confused at this moment.
Selena has not said anything yet, but she was not seen hanging out with Justin this past week, in spite of the fact that they were both in New York City at the same time.
What happened? Well, it seems that their busy schedules made it difficult to keep the romance going for the moment.
Sources also say that Selena had some trust issues. That can be logical. Justin is often surrounded by very attractive girls. This is the way publicity events are done when a boy is a teenage heartthrob. But it is natural to ask how committed he is to the relationship.
Maybe this is a maturing moment for both Selena and Justin.
And maybe we can ask ourselves too what we would do when we go through a break-up. Here are a few ideas, in case they help.
Our Faith In Action Rules for Moving On (suggestions, really):
1. Always do your very best to speak well about the other person.
Of course you saw some very attractive things in that other person. That is why you fell for him or her.
Perhaps time has shown that he or she is not as perfect as you thought. That is to be expected. We are all very imperfect. We all need forgiveness and understanding.
As long as the relationship wasn’t built on lies and abuse (it does happen), it is better to speak in a very positive way about that other person when you talk to others. This helps to heal our own heart (cultivates positive feelings instead of bitterness) and it also helps the other person to trust you as a positive person.
2. Take time to have fun with other friends and have healthy relationships outside of that one person.
Romance can sometimes become too exclusive. Yes, it needs times alone, but we have to keep balance. Sometimes a breakup reminds us to keep up friendships with other friends.
This is important in marriage too. When people expect their spouse to be the solution to all their problems and the only person they interact with they almost always end up disappointed. Romance and marriage are deep sources of happiness, but they need to be balanced with other healthy friendships.
3. Get involved in projects that you like (Get involved in life.)
Both Selena and Justin have projects and causes that they enjoy a lot. That is really good. This can be a time when both of them can dedicate themselves to these things with more peace and serenity. Both enjoy singing and performing. They can remind themselves how much they help other people experience joy and fun through their work. They can reconnect with their fans.
It also a time when each of them can do fun things they have never done before. Maybe there is a sport they have never tried or a place each of them really want to visit. This can be a good time to do things like that.
4. Spend time in beauty and nature. Meditate.
In order to have healthy relationships, each of needs alone time as well. It is in these alone times that we can regain our serenity and notice what things we can do in our own lives to become better persons. Healthy interdependence (healthy relationships) depend in large part on each of us being capable of a healthy independence (being able to be by ourselves some of the time and do things on our own). Contact with nature and beauty can help us reconnect with our inner selves. Prayer and meditation can remind us that the most important thing in our lives is already solved: we are deeply loved by God, the creator of the whole universe.
5. Concentrate on good things (God’s love, etc.)
Focusing on the positive around us gives us strength to begin again. See the good things around you with more consciousness. Recognize the good things that God does in others as well. Knowing how to encourage ourselves is the key to moving on and preparing for the next stage in life with optimism.
St. Paul says, “Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. … Then the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4: 8-9)
6. Understand and accept that it takes time for our feelings to heal.
I know a man who lost his six year old son in an accident outside his home. His heart was broken, but he had to stay strong for his family and for others. He did all the things I mention above, but he also learned that it takes time for the heart to heal. His positive spirit and trust in God helped him through the hardest moments, but he found that the wound still hurts deeply for a long time. It is only little by little that our emotions heal from deep pain.
Of course a breakup is usually not as dramatic as losing a child, but it can feel that way to a young person. So giving time to time is important in breakups as well. Don’t expect to feel great all the time. That would not be human. Just know that when you get down, there are better times waiting. All is not lost. Give time to time.
So, all is not lost for Selena and Justin. We don’t know if they will get back together, but we won’t be surprised if they do. Meanwhile, we are confident that this moment can help both of them become better persons, going deeper into the important things in life, focusing on the positive, and letting time increase their wisdom. Let’s pray for each other, so that when disappointment comes in our lives we learn to focus on the positive and gain inner strength. That way we will always have something good to give to others as well.