They’ve been an item for about six months now. Teen hearthrobs Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber seem like an almost ideal couple. They share the same values. They both have successful careers. They are both beautiful. And it is obvious that they are both very attracted to each other. So will it last? That depends on a lot of things. Let’s look at some things that might help them make this romance “last forever”, if they want it to.
We all dream of meeting the perfect guy or girl. We probably have a whole list of things that “special someone” will have: good looks, fun personality, kindness, etc. We often ask God for help in finding that person, which is not a bad idea, since God really wants us to be happy.
Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber both pray. J B is open about the fact that he prays often. “Never Say Never”, his recent docu-movie, clearly showed him praying at diffeent moments. He prays with his family and crew before his concerts. He and his buddies prayed before sharing pizza (The pizza prayer was a real buddie moment: half funny, half serious). In his autobiographical book Justin clearly states he is a Christian and explains how some aspects of the Christian faith help him in his life.
Justin also took time this past year to make a pilgrimage (religious trip) to Israel where he wanted to pray at the places where Jesus had lived.
And every teenage girl knows “the Bieb” carries a tattoo on his ribs that spells Jesus’ name in Hebrew, a tattoo that his dad also carries.
Selena Gomez is Catholic. She and her family try to attend Sunday Mass as much as her constant traveling permits. She admits that her favorite times growing up were those weekly moments when they could take part in Mass as a family and have more family time afterwards. She says God is a huge part of her life.
Selena also made the news a few years ago because she was wearing a chastity ring. She explained that it was promise that she wanted to make to God when she was 13. She had asked her dad to buy her this ring and she took it to a Catholic priest to have it blessed.
Selena isn’t wearing the chastity ring any more. Many say it’s because she felt that she could’t keep that promise any longer. They say that she and Justin have already “done it”.
Others say the ring restricted her fashion choices. Selena is in huge demand for fashion shoots and has to change her look slightly for every shoot. So the ring was too restricting.
But it is clear that Selena grew up asking God to help her meet the right guy, and the chastity ring was part of that.
Maybe Selena has found the right guy. Maybe she hasn’t. That’s up to her. In a recent Teen Vogue interview Selena explained that now that she is 18 she very much wants to fall in love but is not sure if her first 18 year old love will be the person she eventually marries. All the paparrazzi photos seem to confirm that she is in love… and that her love is J. B.
So, if she and Justin want it to last, what should they do?
Well, first of all they should really try not to go too far. If they already have (We are all weak when we are with someone to whom we find a really attracted, so we know we have to be careful.) they should set some boundaries, so that the physical aspect of the relationship is kept under control until they actually commit to each other (By commitment I mean getting married.)
Sex is good, and it is designed by God to help us fall more in love with the person we have committed our lives to, the person with whom we want to be with for the rest of our lives, the person we want be the father or mother of our children.
But because we are weak we often want to “have desert” before “the main course”. The main course means building up a really strong friendship and mutual respect. It involves spending time with that special someone without letting the physical attraction make us lose our heads before it’s time.
The fireworks are a beautiful part of love, but they only last for a while if they are not founded on something bigger, something more than physical attraction. What lasts is mutual respect, mutual esteem. These things help keep the flame alive and active even when the original “intoxication” of love (This stage of love is usually called infatuation.) begins to wear off. Mutual respect and esteem also help to revive the “intoxication” experience when it grows dim.
So, be careful, Selena and Justin. Spend time together. Learn to listen to each other. Find out what you agree on. Find out where you disagree. Have some fights.
Yes, I am serious! Find out what things you don’t agree on. It’s OK to have disagreements and see if you can work things out, respecting the opinion and values of the other person without compromising your own. It helps the relationship to mature.
Also find out what aspects of your own personality you need to improve to make the relationship work.
Find out what aspects and values are not worth giving up just to please the other person.
Then, if you are going to make the relationship last you will need to cut back on the constant traveling. We all have a right to have a career. We all have a right to travel. But in order to make love last we need to be around for the one we love. That is a tough sacrifice when your career is so successful and the career demands constant traveling.
It’s seems to me that at this stage you are probably not ready to make this kind of sacrifice, Selena and Justin, and you both seem to know it. So keep scheduling time together. That’s good, really good.
But if you are going to take it to the next level you need to talk about the sacrifices you are going to have to make in a few years. And a few years come sooner than we think.
So this romance is going to be pretty difficult…
Justin has said that he wants to be married and start a family by the time he is 25.
There’s something for you two to talk about, Selena and Justin. Talk about it privately. No pressure. Figure out if you are serious about this. Do you and Selena want to start cutting back on your careers in about five years? That would be totally cool… for your romance anyway (maybe not so much for your fans, but most of them would totally understand) It’s definitely something that could make your romance turn into something more than a passing flame.
But you have to show you are serious about this. Start making real plans now, not just vague desires. Talk to your parents and your managers about this. But know that in the end it is up to you two.
Leaving successful careers is pretty scary. You’re only 17 and 18. And you’ve got a lot of future in front of you.
But you seem to know what you want. And wanting to marry a wonderful girl or a great guy is a really good thing.
Starting a family at 25 is certainly doable. It depends on how much you want to mature. There are many lasting and happy marriages that were started at that age. Very happy marriages. I know a lot of them. But it does take sacrifices.
Yeah, sacrifice. That’s the hard part of love. Sacrifice doesn’t mean we have to be miserable or give up all our dreams, but it does mean seeing clearly which are our most important dreams. What dreams are going to make us the most happy? Love is definitely a dream worth making some sacrifices for.
Jesus has a cool story about love. He says that when a man finds a treasure hidden in a field he goes and sells all he has in order to buy that field (Matthew 13: 44). Jesus was talking about love for God when he told this story. But it also applies to human love.
True, Selena nor Justin, neither of you should give up absolutely everything else that is good about your lives. You should still be able to perform. You should still have lots of friends besides each other. You should still travel.
Just that that these other good things will have to be reduced a bit. You might even want to go “cold turkey” for a little while (“Cold turkey” means giving up something totally for a while.), at least the travelling, just to find a new balance.
So, maybe you are not ready for this yet, but it is a good time to start talking… Let’s hope you do. I’ll be praying for you.